Find answers to some frequently asked questions here

Many people seek counselling because they are in crisis, feel stuck or are at a crossroads in their life with no idea which way to turn. Whatever you have tried to make yourself feel better hasn’t worked. Bereavement, betrayal, infidelity, debt, divorce, partner drinking heavily or taking drugs: life’s challenges come in many forms. Friends and family can only help so far: sometimes professional help is needed. The benefits of counselling are well documented. The old adage that ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ is not just a saying: the act of sharing our problems with a non-judgmental, empathic therapist in a confidential setting can help bring about healing and relief. Life can be confusing and challenging. Reality is that many people will experience a period of mental ill-health at some point in their adult lives. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just a fact of life. The brain is an organ of the body and sometimes it experiences problems. These may range from a spell of depression or not coping to drug or alcohol dependency, or trouble adapting to a transition such as job loss, divorce, relocation or retirement. By listening and reflecting issues back to the client, new perspectives and increased clarity can be gained. A therapist can help you find a better way to live, alternative solutions to problems that can seem too big to face alone. While providing support, therapists can also teach coping skills and tools to increase emotional resilience an strengthen personal boundaries. Seeking help for a mental health problem shows you are self aware enough to do something proactive to help yourself.

Counselling and psychotherapy can help you with a wide variety of life’s challenges, including but not limited to: depression and anxiety and life transitions, such as retirement, job loss, relocation, relationship issues, difficult emotions such as jealousy, anger and fear, as well as betrayal, lack of intimacy, grief and loss, phobias, parenting issues and a wide variety of relationship challenges. And when it comes to addictions, the way back to freedom from compulsive behaviours and acting out often starts with insights and life changes that begin in counselling and therapy. Counselling can help you with: Becoming the best version of you. Finding your true purpose and meaning in life. Discovering your goals, values and true identity. Setting protective boundaries which foster and empower healthy relationships. Esteeming yourself from within - and caring much less about what others think. Managing emotions, and improving relationships. Getting rid of the root causes of anxiety and stress. Establishing family harmony instead of conflict. Overcoming anger, fear, loss and grief. Getting over phobias and other irrational fears. Learning tools to achieve abstinence from addictions and compulsive behaviours.

Many people think that close friendships and family members can be relied on for help with problems or during a crisis. This may often be true, but not for every issue, especially if the problem concerns a secret or a family member or an embarrassing or shameful matter. A therapist who’s easy to talk to can provide the right confidential support for sensitive and personal problems. And there’s nothing wrong with getting a different perspective when it comes to handling life’s challenges.

Addiction can be defined as a pathological relationship with a mood altering substance or behaviour that has negative life consequences. In short, these are chemicals or substances and behaviours over which we have lost control. We feel powerless, and this can make our lives unmanageable. These compulsive behaviours can include abuse of substances such as alcohol, street drugs and prescribed medications, to which we can easily become addicted. Then there are the obsessive and compulsive behaviours called process addictions, which include addiction to gambling, spending, shopping, getting in debt, exercise and all the internet related addictions, such as gaming, pornography, dating apps and social media. There’s also addiction to food, sex, love, relationships, risk rage and even perfectionism. All of these can have devastating consequences for addicts and their families if untreated.

By applying what the new developments in neuroscience teach us, we can tailor addiction treatment to the individual needs of the client. It’s not one treatment fits all, at Counselling Confidential we design the programme for the client, not vice versa. By addressing any underlying trauma history and sense of shame which often accompanies addiction, we get to the root of what role the compulsive behaviour plays in the addict’s life. We use therapeutic approaches such as EMDR, TRE, CBT, DBT, NLP, Motivational Interviewing, Mindfulness and Meditation in individual and group therapy. We aim to enable the removal of cravings, increase emotional resilience and self regulation, strengthen personal boundaries and relationship skills and teach clients the skills and tools they need to equip them to stay clean and sober in their home community.

Addiction exists on a continuum starting with experimentation, leading to use, then over-use, abuse and then finally a line is crossed into dependency and addiction. Once you have crossed that line into obsessive and compulsive dependent using behaviour, addiction is the result. Ask yourself these three key questions to see if you are in danger. 1 Do my attempts to manage, moderate or control my use often fail? For example, for an alcoholic, this could mean intending to have two drinks and be home by 9pm but in reality this rarely happens. 2 Attempts to quit fail. This means I keep deciding to quit but pretty soon I’m back drinking, using or acting out again - often doing so more than before. 3 I continue to drink, use drugs, over eat or act out DESPITE negative consequences of doing so. This last one addresses the illogical nature of addiction: we keep doing it despite the havoc it’s wreaking in our lives. What Is ‘Rock Bottom?’ Rock bottom describes the situation of an addict who has continued to drink or use to the point that a major life disaster has occurred: for example losing a relationship or marriage, access to children, car, home, reputation, job - or freedom if jail is the result. How Can a Spouse, Partner, Family Member or Friend Help an Addict? Watching an addict self-destruct can be distressing for those who care for him or her. Addiction is truly a family disease in that it usually occurs in a family system that isn’t functioning well for many possible reasons. There is also a hereditary element with many, but not all, addictions. On average an alcoholic or drug addict adversely affects the lives of five other people close to them. If you suspect a loved one is compulsively using or acting out in a damaging way, book a session with a counsellor trained in addiction treatment to decide on the best way to help. At Counselling Confidential we offer family support for addicts’ families who can benefit from engaging in their own ‘recovery’ process. What is Co-dependency? You may have heard this term used to describe family members of alcoholics and addicts. Put simply, in an addiction context, codependency describes an unhealthy relationship system that exists when people have poor self-esteem and weak personal boundaries and as a result can become over focused on rescuing and taking responsibility for an addict. Without intending to, this often enables the addiction to continue. At Counselling Confidential support is available to help with this.

Yes. Many cocaine users, for example, drink heavily first, using alcohol as a ‘gateway’ drug before using cocaine or other drugs. ‘Cross Addiction’ often occurs, where one addictive behaviour is removed, such as using alcohol or nicotine, only to be replaced by compulsive indulgence in sugary junk food, exercise or work.

No, but clients needing a medically supervised alcohol or substance detox will be referred to a psychiatrist for assessment. The psychiatrist can then provide supervision for their detox, or suggest inpatient or hospital options for severe cases.

No. DO NOT quit drink or drugs suddenly. It is very important that you seek professional advice from a psychiatrist or doctor before deciding to quit suddenly. Serious medical consequences can result from this. Medical and supervision is essential for safe detox and you may need to be hospitalised for the detox process.

Yes.The internet has created new addictions and speeded up those that were already there. So people can now surf dating apps and friendship sites obsessively looking for connections, losing hours at a time in the pursuit of attention and new online connections and pleasurable thrills and experiences. Internet shopping, gaming and gambling have speeded up compulsive behaviours that already existed. Even text messaging apps can be addictive, with each ‘ping’ of a new message giving the brain an addictive reward.

Addiction is in many cases a chronic, progressive and potentially fatal disease, if left untreated. While a period of intensive treatment in a residential rehabilitation facility is a great start to recovery from addiction, it is just the start. Long term recovery requires constant vigilance to avoid relapse. This is achieved by learning to live a clean and sober life in your home community. For this evidence suggests you need ongoing support and therapy, especially group therapy and a 12 Step Programmes to achieve lasting success. Counselling Confidential Ltd provides continuing care to clients returning from residential rehab.

Sex addiction isn’t just having a high sex drive or a one-off affair. Put simply, sex addiction describes sexual behaviour which is out of control. This compulsive urge to act out sexually takes people outside their normal values and morals. It can involve real and or virtual partners, paid-for sex with real or web-cam partners, pornography and sexual fantasising with obsessive masturbation. Sex Addiction describes a wide range of problem behaviours. Sex addiction is a serious issue, often characterised by deep shame and despair for the addict, with sufferers having rates of self-harm and suicide that are among the highest of all addictions. It wreaks havoc in relationships and left untreated, can destroys families.

Partners and spouses of sex addicts can suffer what’s called ‘betrayal trauma’ with very real and troubling symptoms. Specific therapeutic help is available to help them deal with this.

Love Addiction is real. It describes addiction to aspects of a loving relationship, often the first exhilarating high of being ‘in love’ with idealisation of the loved one as the answer to a romantic dream. Love addicts crave intimacy in an obsessive way, but are often attracted to emotionally unavailable partners who often have their own company led relationship issues. They are at first flattered by the love addict’s attention, but can soon become overwhelmed by the intensity of the love addict and back off, leaving the love addict feeling rejected and devastated. Love is the drug for a love addict and until they understand this self-destructive relationship pattern they will tend to keep repeating it. Counselling can greatly help sufferers to realise what they are doing and learn how to have healthier relationships.

The internet is developing at breakneck speed and the amount of erotic material available to anyone with a smartphone is virtually unlimited. The average age of first exposure to porn is now under ten years old. Evidence is mounting of the damage watching porn does: this ranges from the objectification of women to the inability of men to achieve an erection after being so super-stimulated by viewing electronic sex images that they can no longer be aroused by normal real-life partners. Another worrying discovery is that watching porn can make viewers ‘non-relational’, because pixels don’t create empathy and a sense of intimacy the way eye contact with a real sex partner does. This further distances the porn viewer from human connection and deepens the sense of isolation, shame and low self esteem, making real life relationships even harder to establish. Partners of porn addicts often complain the addict is distant, distracted and no longer interested in a physical sex relationship with them.

Yes. A high proportion of love addicts are women. And studies show that women make up about a third of those who become addicted to sex and pornography.

Chem Sex describes a form of acting out which combines using methamphetamine (ice), and other ‘party’ drugs at the same time as having sex. This is regarded as a ‘fused’ addiction, where both addictive behaviours go together.

These days therapy sessions can be either online or face-to-face. While the latter have the advantage of physical presence and being able to experience the other person with all your senses, online has most of the same benefits. Both offer the uninterrupted attention of your therapist while they establish rapport with you and encourage you to freely discuss what’s troubling you and work collaboratively to establish your goals for therapy, a treatment plan and steps towards desired changes. You will be encouraged to understand that while you can’t change other people, you have many options to change your own responses to others and your own behaviour. Once your therapy goals are established, you’ll probably decide on a therapy plan with an agreed number of sessions with regular progress reviews. Frequency of sessions is usually one individual session per week with or without weekly group sessions. You may discuss subjects that bring up strong emotions, this is normal and your therapist will support you through these moments and help you to process your feelings as part of your growth and increased awareness. The best results can be expected if you actively participate in the process and are open to the idea of change. It greatly helps if you are prepared to be as honest as possible. The goal of therapy is to be realistic about what hasn’t worked so far and learn new effective strategies and attitudes and apply them to get the life you want.

Counselling sessions are 50-60 minutes for individual sessions and 75 minutes for couple and group sessions. Fees are payable by cash, cheque or bank transfer, in advance. Please discuss other payment methods when making a booking. Counselling Confidential Ltd does not currently work with insurance companies.

Your confidentiality is our priority. No details relating to your presence in counselling, or the counselling itself, will be released to a third party without your explicit written permission. Confidentiality extends to all dealings with your therapist, including appointment details, session content, progress in counselling, and your records.